Don't drink the crewlade

This post is dedicated to my one and only, Kate M., who is the only living, breathing being who shares my utter obsessive love of the Crew. No, not 2 Live, numb you-know-whats, J Crew (ah, yeah, if you didn't know that, you needn't read any further or ya'll just think me even more crazy).

This is strictly a hijacked post, too, from J Crew Aficionado, who writes:

GigiofCa (check out her great blog: Gigi's Gone Shopping) has one of *the best* J.Crew posts I have seen. What is it about? J.Crew-centric vocabulary.

The following is a portion of the words she has listed over at her blog (click here to read the "Crewlang - The Vocab List" post in its entirety):

B&M –brick & mortar store as opposed to online.

Crewazy –Pretty much self explanatory but we’ll use it in a sentence: “Me no likey at all...the price is crewazy!!!!!”

Crewfit –Should be clear, but here is a sentence: "What's your crewfit today?"

Crewlade –This may be the most serious of them all. The mixer of vaporous crewlade batches is unknown. Is it the marketing & graphic design departments of J Crew? PR? Is it…is it…us? --*gasp* -- the bloggers and blog visitors who incessantly discuss the merch to the point of memorization? FYI, inhalers rarely have control over this stuff. Do your best not to hit it too hard. It's dangerous! You usually don't come down until you get back home or the credit card bill arrives.

"I had to do some returns the other day, and just kept whispering my breath, as I stared lustfully at the Chandelier Necklace, "Don't drink the Crewlade! Don't drink the Crewlade!"

Note: Crewlade causes a temporary high, lapse in judgment and creates a kaleidoscope effect where 95% of the J Crew merchandise looks good. When under the influence it all looks good on you. Yes you need that atomic necklace. Isn’t it pretty? Can’t you see it with the glazed pecan card? Ooooohh yeaaahhh and hey…it’s on sale!

Crewless –When you know more about the item than the SA.

Crewmorse –A feeling you have after regretting a purchase.

Crewpon –You reach into your mailbox. It’s not a flyer. It's not a bill. It's a beautiful little envelope from J Crew containing a discount coupon card. Known to cause haterade (see below) in those that don’t receive these rare, random goodies. The April 2009 25% crewpon was also known as the Mickey card.

Crewsade –When you have to make a serious effort to search for a specific J Crew item, often further galvanized by a crew-less SA or two.

Crewsewear –When you use an upcoming vacation as justification for spending way too much money at J Crew.

Crewsin –This can be a legitimately planned trip, a visit to make an exchange (yeah, right) or a drive by (you have no business being there). "I went crewsin through my local jcrew."

Uncrewsual punishment –When an item you have been stalking online suddenly sells out and you get the dreaded red message!

Faux Rent –When you love an item, but don’t necessarily want to own it. Or at least figure you won’t wear it enough to warrant a purchase. The alternative is to visit it in b&m while it’s in stock.

JCA1 –What did you do today?
JCA2 –Oh, I stopped by J.Crew to see the gallery hobo. It’s still faux rent at Westfield Centre.

FS –Final Sale. J.Crew is one of the few retailers still torturing customers with this practice.
JCA –J.Crew Aficionada, visit Alexis's blog here.

J’Crewlet (Jhay-croo-lay) –J.Crew Factory Store. Sounds suuuper fancy, like Tarjay. We all know the merch is hit or miss. Boo.

Popback –Items on J Crew’s website that randomly show up in the sale section. You thought you missed out, but LOOK! There’s your size. Right now. Good luck. (*snickers*) Now...let’s use it in a sentence. At least that's a sure thing.

JCA1 –*gasps* How did you find a golden roses jacket?
JCA2 –Girl, it was a popback. I am so lucky! Hope it ships!

Ride along –Wikipedia: "an arrangement for a civilian to spend a shift in the passenger seat of a police car, observing the work day of a police officer." Same idea, revised for retail --> An arrangement for a questionable item to spend time in the shipping box of an online order, in order to qualify for an online promo. The purchaser is most certain that she is likely return this item, only to find – upon receipt – that it is one of the best in the box. Surprise!