"NO F*** Me Pumps". Honestly.

Okay, this is hilarious: the actual dress code requirements for Pi Phi’s Cornell chapter. Now, as a Canadian who lived in the US for almost seven years and with my fair share of sorority sister girlfriends, I can actually believe that this shiz is for real.

I especially love the rule about booties: "Booties ok if you can pull them off, aka probably not." (All kidding aside, that's probably a solid rule to abide by.)

Who doesn't like laughing? Seriously?!

This website is the source of all comic relief in my life. Well, not really, but it's pretty damn funny. And a co-worker forwarded today's quote of the day to me and I just have to share it with you.

(Oh, and as an aside, as you sit there laughing your a** off, imagine wrapping your freezing "F, Halifax is Cold in the Winter" legs up in these puppies.)

A Lilly Retrospective

Oh, summer, where are you?

Well, it's with embarassment that I make this latest entry. I have officially committed the numero uno blogger sin of not updating....for over a month. Please forgive me. And let's move on to more important things.

First, I have an update on our dear lil' Ryan. Our surgery date remains booked for September 24, 2010, and I've booked a place in West Hollywood for the first week of our stay and we're planning to move out to the beaches for the remainder. The juggernut that remains is our insurance coverage. I mean, we're going ahead with this regardless, but, seeing as there is no "reasonable alternative" available in Canada, one would expect that MSI would cover the costs, right? Nooooo. That would of course be too much to expect. We've done everything they've asked and submitted letters from every single member of Ryan's medical team in support of this surgery yet the still are asking us to jump through more and more hoops. Fine. We march on. Keep you posted on that.

On another note, we had Ryan's CT scan redone in the hopes that she has literally grown into a candidate for atresia repair too. We should now the results of that soon. She was such a champ--we didn't even need to sedate her which was a major stressor for me.

That's the formal "important things" update but now, of course, I need to throw out a discussion on the very important issue of MTV's Jersey Shore. Um, WOW is pretty much all I can say (and honestly?? Only do people pose like that in Jersey, is all I can say.). I'll let a more credible source than myself do a thorough run-down of the best recent catch phrases from the show (below) but I simply must confirm that I'll be integrating Vinny's GTL theorem (you know, gym, tanning, laundry) into my day-to-day vocab. Watch out people.

10. "Vinny knows that I'm pretty much the man of the house and not to push it too far or I'm gonna, you know, throw him in the trunk." —Mike "the Situation"
This quote is a perfect example of the Situation's bark being much worse than his bite. In an interview with the producers, he mock threatens to pull a page out of the Goodfellas handbook if his roommate Vinny gets handsy with his little sister. However, when the two were actually in the same room together, the Situation seemed pretty cool with Vinny playing her escort at Karma for the evening.

9. "She's Mike without a six-pack." —Pauly D
Fortunately for the Situation, once Vinny saw that his potential hookup looked almost exactly like Sleazeside's most notorious Lothario, his desire to creep on her sunk to depths we haven't seen since he got pinkeye.

8. "When we're out on the battlefield, I'm like the first strike." —the Situation
There are many thousands of things that we admire about the Situation, but one of the more prominent is his ability to break out war metaphors when discussing hookup scenarios. We neglected to include his awesome grenade metaphor in our recap a few weeks back, but we won't make the same mistake this time. This line came when the Situation and the rest of the cast members rolled into Karma looking to creep, and Mike aptly described himself as a Navy SEAL of the dance floor. Bravo!

7. "Is that fake Louis Vuitton? What is that, a sundress? 'Cause I never seen [bleep]. I think my grandma wears that." —Sammi "Sweetheart"
Oh, Sammi! If it weren't for your incessant smack-talking, our boy Ron Ron wouldn't have had to engage in fisticuffs with a drunken Jersey lout as a means of defending your honor. Still, we thought that the insults she hurled at said lout's trash-bag girlfriend were quite funny, even if we couldn't quite figure out what it was that MTV bleeped out. Were any of you juiceheads able to decipher it?

6. "Unbelievable, huh, Snooks? It's so hard to find a good man these days. That's why I date women." —Pauly D
Truth!

5. "Listen, let's go back to the house and get some pizza." —the Situation
Mike, Mike, Mike. Don't you know that you're going to attract a herd of hippos when you use lines like that to lure women back to the beach house? Still, we can't really blame the Situation for using this as a pickup line; he hasn't gotten any action in the last few episodes, so his desperation is (temporarily) forgiven.

4. "I understand where she's coming from 'cause I just got hit in the face by a guy." —Snooki
You gotta love our gal Shnickers Snooks standing up for not only her gal Sammi "Sweetheart," but for victims of domestic violence everywhere. Empathy!

3. "Gym, tanning, laundry. You know, that's how they, like, make the guidos." —Vinny
Until last night, we would've gone to our grave arguing that Pythagoras came up with the coolest equation of all time. However, Vinny's innovative GTL theorem is destined to be taught in schools all across this great nation of ours for years and years to come.

2. "He fuckin' said your feet's like fuckin' Fred Flintstone. Fuck you, you fuckin' bastard." —Sammi "Sweetheart"
So much drama in the LBC! Last night, the budding relationship between Ron Ron and Sammi "Sweetheart" almost crumbled on multiple occasions. The first such instance came during a drunken minivan ride back home from Karma when Ronnie made the fatal error of making fun of Sammi's doorstop-size big toe. C'mon, Sammi, we're sure it can't be any worse than Megan Fox's thumbs! Then again, these kind of innocuous arguments are bound to arise when two stumpy bastards have a bit too much Ron Ron juice to drink. Fortunately, Ronnie proved himself to be the real "Sweetheart" in this relationship when he offered to suck on her big toe if it would make his girl feel better. Now that's chivalry, people.

1. "I necessarily didn't want to bring back any zoo creatures whatsoever. These broads probably smelled the food at the house." —the Situation
Even though the Situation is in the midst of an unprecedented dry streak, his ability to turn a phrase remains unrivaled. Zoo creatures! As we do at this time every week, we bow to the Situation's unparalleled awesomeness.

A Sneak Peak at Me

Wow. I just came across the most amazing blog written by Janis, Austin's mum. Austin, now two years old, was born a little early--36 weeks--and was diagnosed with Branchio-Oto-Renal (Melnick-Fraser) syndrome and deals with microtia, hemifacial microsomia, and hearing impairment, like Ryan, and also GERD, dysphagia, chronic lung disease, obstructive sleep apnea and macrocephaly.

Now, lemme tell you, this mum rocks. Her attitude is spot on. Come on, she has a tag called "People Who Get It"! I love this girl. I mean, it's hard for me to pick just one at this point, but this has got to be the best blog post of all time. Janis: I can relate! Hug, kiss, kiss, hug (um, is that weird?? Oh, I don't even care..baaaa).

Also, filed under the alternative "People Who Don't Get It" (again, love), I found a freakishly comforting and familiar post that pretty much explains what I am going through right now, as we embark on our lovely little dance with doctors and insurance providers. Yup, welcome to our world, eh? A world made a little more special by the our babes who just needs a little somethin' extra, like Austin and Ryan.

So, a huge good luck to you, Janis. I look forward to sneaking a peak more often.

Oh, yeah, everyone, PS: Vote for Janis and her blog in the 2nd Annual People's HealthBlogger Awards. She's currently ranked 10th and competition closes December 15th!

Don't drink the crewlade

This post is dedicated to my one and only, Kate M., who is the only living, breathing being who shares my utter obsessive love of the Crew. No, not 2 Live, numb you-know-whats, J Crew (ah, yeah, if you didn't know that, you needn't read any further or ya'll just think me even more crazy).

This is strictly a hijacked post, too, from J Crew Aficionado, who writes:

GigiofCa (check out her great blog: Gigi's Gone Shopping) has one of *the best* J.Crew posts I have seen. What is it about? J.Crew-centric vocabulary.

The following is a portion of the words she has listed over at her blog (click here to read the "Crewlang - The Vocab List" post in its entirety):

B&M –brick & mortar store as opposed to online.

Crewazy –Pretty much self explanatory but we’ll use it in a sentence: “Me no likey at all...the price is crewazy!!!!!”

Crewfit –Should be clear, but here is a sentence: "What's your crewfit today?"

Crewlade –This may be the most serious of them all. The mixer of vaporous crewlade batches is unknown. Is it the marketing & graphic design departments of J Crew? PR? Is it…is it…us? --*gasp* -- the bloggers and blog visitors who incessantly discuss the merch to the point of memorization? FYI, inhalers rarely have control over this stuff. Do your best not to hit it too hard. It's dangerous! You usually don't come down until you get back home or the credit card bill arrives.

"I had to do some returns the other day, and just kept whispering my breath, as I stared lustfully at the Chandelier Necklace, "Don't drink the Crewlade! Don't drink the Crewlade!"

Note: Crewlade causes a temporary high, lapse in judgment and creates a kaleidoscope effect where 95% of the J Crew merchandise looks good. When under the influence it all looks good on you. Yes you need that atomic necklace. Isn’t it pretty? Can’t you see it with the glazed pecan card? Ooooohh yeaaahhh and hey…it’s on sale!

Crewless –When you know more about the item than the SA.

Crewmorse –A feeling you have after regretting a purchase.

Crewpon –You reach into your mailbox. It’s not a flyer. It's not a bill. It's a beautiful little envelope from J Crew containing a discount coupon card. Known to cause haterade (see below) in those that don’t receive these rare, random goodies. The April 2009 25% crewpon was also known as the Mickey card.

Crewsade –When you have to make a serious effort to search for a specific J Crew item, often further galvanized by a crew-less SA or two.

Crewsewear –When you use an upcoming vacation as justification for spending way too much money at J Crew.

Crewsin –This can be a legitimately planned trip, a visit to make an exchange (yeah, right) or a drive by (you have no business being there). "I went crewsin through my local jcrew."

Uncrewsual punishment –When an item you have been stalking online suddenly sells out and you get the dreaded red message!

Faux Rent –When you love an item, but don’t necessarily want to own it. Or at least figure you won’t wear it enough to warrant a purchase. The alternative is to visit it in b&m while it’s in stock.

JCA1 –What did you do today?
JCA2 –Oh, I stopped by J.Crew to see the gallery hobo. It’s still faux rent at Westfield Centre.

FS –Final Sale. J.Crew is one of the few retailers still torturing customers with this practice.
JCA –J.Crew Aficionada, visit Alexis's blog here.

J’Crewlet (Jhay-croo-lay) –J.Crew Factory Store. Sounds suuuper fancy, like Tarjay. We all know the merch is hit or miss. Boo.

Popback –Items on J Crew’s website that randomly show up in the sale section. You thought you missed out, but LOOK! There’s your size. Right now. Good luck. (*snickers*) Now...let’s use it in a sentence. At least that's a sure thing.

JCA1 –*gasps* How did you find a golden roses jacket?
JCA2 –Girl, it was a popback. I am so lucky! Hope it ships!

Ride along –Wikipedia: "an arrangement for a civilian to spend a shift in the passenger seat of a police car, observing the work day of a police officer." Same idea, revised for retail --> An arrangement for a questionable item to spend time in the shipping box of an online order, in order to qualify for an online promo. The purchaser is most certain that she is likely return this item, only to find – upon receipt – that it is one of the best in the box. Surprise!

In keeping with the theme of JOY

Here are two things that made me smile. One, an idea, and another, an image. They're beeeee-u-ti-ful!


Every day for 100 days, Rachel Berger chose a color swatch at random from a bag, and wrote a short piece (like a prose haiku) inspired by it. I love how it exposes all the random connections that color and language form in our tangled brains.





Purely and simply, queenalicious.