"NO F*** Me Pumps". Honestly.

Okay, this is hilarious: the actual dress code requirements for Pi Phi’s Cornell chapter. Now, as a Canadian who lived in the US for almost seven years and with my fair share of sorority sister girlfriends, I can actually believe that this shiz is for real.

I especially love the rule about booties: "Booties ok if you can pull them off, aka probably not." (All kidding aside, that's probably a solid rule to abide by.)

Who doesn't like laughing? Seriously?!

This website is the source of all comic relief in my life. Well, not really, but it's pretty damn funny. And a co-worker forwarded today's quote of the day to me and I just have to share it with you.

(Oh, and as an aside, as you sit there laughing your a** off, imagine wrapping your freezing "F, Halifax is Cold in the Winter" legs up in these puppies.)

A Lilly Retrospective

Oh, summer, where are you?

Well, it's with embarassment that I make this latest entry. I have officially committed the numero uno blogger sin of not updating....for over a month. Please forgive me. And let's move on to more important things.

First, I have an update on our dear lil' Ryan. Our surgery date remains booked for September 24, 2010, and I've booked a place in West Hollywood for the first week of our stay and we're planning to move out to the beaches for the remainder. The juggernut that remains is our insurance coverage. I mean, we're going ahead with this regardless, but, seeing as there is no "reasonable alternative" available in Canada, one would expect that MSI would cover the costs, right? Nooooo. That would of course be too much to expect. We've done everything they've asked and submitted letters from every single member of Ryan's medical team in support of this surgery yet the still are asking us to jump through more and more hoops. Fine. We march on. Keep you posted on that.

On another note, we had Ryan's CT scan redone in the hopes that she has literally grown into a candidate for atresia repair too. We should now the results of that soon. She was such a champ--we didn't even need to sedate her which was a major stressor for me.

That's the formal "important things" update but now, of course, I need to throw out a discussion on the very important issue of MTV's Jersey Shore. Um, WOW is pretty much all I can say (and honestly?? Only do people pose like that in Jersey, is all I can say.). I'll let a more credible source than myself do a thorough run-down of the best recent catch phrases from the show (below) but I simply must confirm that I'll be integrating Vinny's GTL theorem (you know, gym, tanning, laundry) into my day-to-day vocab. Watch out people.

10. "Vinny knows that I'm pretty much the man of the house and not to push it too far or I'm gonna, you know, throw him in the trunk." —Mike "the Situation"
This quote is a perfect example of the Situation's bark being much worse than his bite. In an interview with the producers, he mock threatens to pull a page out of the Goodfellas handbook if his roommate Vinny gets handsy with his little sister. However, when the two were actually in the same room together, the Situation seemed pretty cool with Vinny playing her escort at Karma for the evening.

9. "She's Mike without a six-pack." —Pauly D
Fortunately for the Situation, once Vinny saw that his potential hookup looked almost exactly like Sleazeside's most notorious Lothario, his desire to creep on her sunk to depths we haven't seen since he got pinkeye.

8. "When we're out on the battlefield, I'm like the first strike." —the Situation
There are many thousands of things that we admire about the Situation, but one of the more prominent is his ability to break out war metaphors when discussing hookup scenarios. We neglected to include his awesome grenade metaphor in our recap a few weeks back, but we won't make the same mistake this time. This line came when the Situation and the rest of the cast members rolled into Karma looking to creep, and Mike aptly described himself as a Navy SEAL of the dance floor. Bravo!

7. "Is that fake Louis Vuitton? What is that, a sundress? 'Cause I never seen [bleep]. I think my grandma wears that." —Sammi "Sweetheart"
Oh, Sammi! If it weren't for your incessant smack-talking, our boy Ron Ron wouldn't have had to engage in fisticuffs with a drunken Jersey lout as a means of defending your honor. Still, we thought that the insults she hurled at said lout's trash-bag girlfriend were quite funny, even if we couldn't quite figure out what it was that MTV bleeped out. Were any of you juiceheads able to decipher it?

6. "Unbelievable, huh, Snooks? It's so hard to find a good man these days. That's why I date women." —Pauly D
Truth!

5. "Listen, let's go back to the house and get some pizza." —the Situation
Mike, Mike, Mike. Don't you know that you're going to attract a herd of hippos when you use lines like that to lure women back to the beach house? Still, we can't really blame the Situation for using this as a pickup line; he hasn't gotten any action in the last few episodes, so his desperation is (temporarily) forgiven.

4. "I understand where she's coming from 'cause I just got hit in the face by a guy." —Snooki
You gotta love our gal Shnickers Snooks standing up for not only her gal Sammi "Sweetheart," but for victims of domestic violence everywhere. Empathy!

3. "Gym, tanning, laundry. You know, that's how they, like, make the guidos." —Vinny
Until last night, we would've gone to our grave arguing that Pythagoras came up with the coolest equation of all time. However, Vinny's innovative GTL theorem is destined to be taught in schools all across this great nation of ours for years and years to come.

2. "He fuckin' said your feet's like fuckin' Fred Flintstone. Fuck you, you fuckin' bastard." —Sammi "Sweetheart"
So much drama in the LBC! Last night, the budding relationship between Ron Ron and Sammi "Sweetheart" almost crumbled on multiple occasions. The first such instance came during a drunken minivan ride back home from Karma when Ronnie made the fatal error of making fun of Sammi's doorstop-size big toe. C'mon, Sammi, we're sure it can't be any worse than Megan Fox's thumbs! Then again, these kind of innocuous arguments are bound to arise when two stumpy bastards have a bit too much Ron Ron juice to drink. Fortunately, Ronnie proved himself to be the real "Sweetheart" in this relationship when he offered to suck on her big toe if it would make his girl feel better. Now that's chivalry, people.

1. "I necessarily didn't want to bring back any zoo creatures whatsoever. These broads probably smelled the food at the house." —the Situation
Even though the Situation is in the midst of an unprecedented dry streak, his ability to turn a phrase remains unrivaled. Zoo creatures! As we do at this time every week, we bow to the Situation's unparalleled awesomeness.